Mama, don’t let your babies grow up to be lawyers

People often say to me, oh – you’re a lawyer, and then tell me some lame-ass lawyer joke. I have heard all the lawyer jokes. None are really funny, most are true.  When people ask me if I like being a lawyer, the answer is no. I am only a lawyer because I lacked the imagination to do something more interesting and at 26, being able to say “would you like fries with that?” in six languages was not really helping my long term prospects for stability. In retrospect, I should have pulled an American Beauty moment and gone to work in a fast food restaurant. Sure, the pay is low, but at the end of the day, no one who works a drive through gives a rat’s ass about their job when they clock out. If I could be anything when I grow up, I believe I would be a rose growing woman of leisure who pets puppies. That’s a job with some real satisfaction. You’ve beautified the world and petted a creature whose only goal is to make sure its owner is happy. Instead, I endure dimwits still wearing their high school class ring 30 years post graduation who think they are interesting and intelligent. Rest assured, they are neither. I do believe if most of the people I deal with were on fire, I would do the world at large a service by refusing to allow my dog to pee on them to put the fire out. So, young Sarah, and you know who you are, if you still think law school is a good idea, you can’t later say you weren’t warned.