The complicated world of designing a restaurant booth

Because I am lazy, I spent a good hour this afternoon wasting time reading useless sites like (should I care that Tila Tequila refused to cough up her dead girlfriend’s dogs to Nicky Hilton?) and (how to knit a penis warmer. Seriously – check it out.). Laziness always pays off because if I had been more productive and done actual work, I would never have learned the reason restaurant booth sizes vary so much. The secret: they are building them bigger to accommodate fat people. This makes some sense. If you are going to an all you can eat buffet for $9.99, they better have more space between the table and Junior to allow him to squeeze in.

This all started because I wanted to know how many minutes I had to stay on the cross trainer to work off two martinis and some J. Alexander mac and cheese. I still don’t know how long, but I do know that J Alexanders has made their booths wider to allow people to eat their mac and cheese without feeling constricted. Pure marketing genius.

This brings me to my next point. Let’s talk about seat height for booths. I have a substantial chest. The kind that makes me look for things called “Seven Wonders Bra” to keep the puppies in check. So knowing that the pups are front and center on women, why do they design dining booth tables that hit exactly at nipple height? Who’s the genius that designed this? I’m guessing someone who was accused of being on the IBT Committee in high school or, a man without man boobs to consider. If they can accommodate fat people with big guts, they can surely start designing booth seats to ensure my boobs are above table height. I am going to start asking for a booster seat to raise my nipples above table level.