Thanksgiving shopping: Black Friday preview

Thanksgiving is the day we are all supposed to come together and eat turkey, giving thanks that our ancestors were saved by people they would subsequently pillage and infect with smallpox. To celebrate, some people sit in silence with their families simmering with unspoken resentment, eating high calorie foods while watching football. My family traditionally gets hammered and trots out my ancient and deaf grandmother to sit in the corner and shout out vaguely inappropriate comments randomly as the day progresses. (On an unrelated side note, I am grateful my grandmother does not text ,which is something to be thankful for on this day).  Since I no longer live within driving distance of my family, I have created my own traditions. Thanksgiving is now the day I get on line to see what I can buy for Christmas gifts without ever having to leave home. Ebay is a good place to start. My mother-in-law has a sitting room in her home devoted to animal prints so I came up with this:

The perfect gift to and from a person with the social conscience of a flea

What exactly is the companion piece for this lamp? An elephant leg trash can?

An imaginary conversation between two people who would own this lamp:

“What a lovely lamp.”

“Thanks. I shot this zebra on safari in Botswana last year and had lamps made. It goes perfectly in the game room with the African white rhino head hanging above the mantel with the inlay of tortoise shell above the pool table with the carved elephant tusk legs next to the leopard skin rug we bought from that nice man in Russia last summer.”

“It is just darling. Harold and I are going to Canada in June to club baby seals. How is Frank?”

My sister thinks I am deranged, but she’s the one sitting next to me on the Imac looking up hydroponic growing systems. I bet I know what she’d be thankful for.