Feuding in the holler

I have been in trial almost non-stop for nearly four weeks. This makes me unhappy for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is an appalling lack of time to do anything remotely interesting and fun.

I could be here. Sadly, I'm not.

Instead, I am in rural Tennessee in court dealing with a land feud between a family whose tree has zero branches and a Californian who moved in to this county to buy acreage for horses. Guess which side the judge is (distantly) related to?

I believe this family may actually be related to the Hatfields.

Some actual quotes from the witnesses:

“I was raised up in that there holler by my sister, Mama”.

“It’s always been known that we owned that there land since my great great great grandpappy got it for fightin’ in the War of 1812.”

“We was squirrel huntin’ up yonder when she throwed me off the property.”

Tennessee is beautiful, but man, we have some dumb ass people living in the woods.

On behalf of those who can string together a noun and a verb, I apologize to the world at large for the backwoods parts of the state of Tennessee.  Tennessee may be the Volunteer State, but I think we need to volunteer to teach everyone who lives here how to read before we do anything else.

8 Responses to Feuding in the holler

  1. Tarin says:

    Bwahahahaha! I can totally relate! A. I’m from California, transplanted to AL 5 years ago, moved to the backwoods 2 years ago. B. Those quotes from trial could’ve come straight out of the mouths of my neighbors! I’m sure the street goes both ways but it is VERY difficult to be the neighbor of backwoods people!

  2. Dear Sweet Mama says:

    Easy there – I AM related to the Hatfield’s – my great uncle removed 5 times was Devil Anse. I hope the ones with no branches win – my family has lots of branches that we cling to with our prehensile feet.

  3. mistyslaws says:

    Oh god. I am ashamed to say that I did not get that “no branches” joke until after I read the quotes and was like, “Ahhhh, inbreeding for the win! Got it.” Maybe I am a distant relative of those hill people after all. (I literally thought you meant a land dispute over land with a tree with no branches and was like, “why would anyone want property with mutant trees? Yep, Imma smartee!).

    Long ass trials = no fun at all! Hope you get some much deserved time away once the trial is over. And good luck!!

    • Misty, I think your lack of immediate understanding of the inbred reference probably means you live in urban splendor. No points deducted. As for the post-trial unwind, there is a kayaking trek planned in 2 weeks to hang with the manatees.

  4. OMG. Those quotes. THOSE QUOTES. Reminds me of my time living in rural Virginia. I left before I acquired a sister mama.

  5. Oh, my Lord. How funny. I’m a California transplant to Texas, but it hasn’t been quite that bizarre. One thing that got me, though, was when some of the old ladies would ask me “Who were you?” I didn’t understand that at all until it was pointed out to me that they wanted to know my maiden name so they could determine if I was from a good family or not. No sister mamas that I know of, however.

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