Something new to add to my list of things that suck: cicadas

Troy and I were married on Friday the 13th thirteen years ago this coming June 13.  I had forgotten that the year we were married coincided with the arrival of the 13 year cicada invasion which is probably some sort of omen. May started out kind of cold here and the cicada invasion was on hold which was perfectly fine by me. I hate flying bugs. I especially hate mass legions of flying bugs. I knew trouble had started when I spotted the first one:

Loud, obnoxious and gross. Look at those beady red eyes.

One is bad enough. Millions of them are intolerable. It is hard to describe the sound so I have thoughtfully recorded it here:

Seriously, this sound will haunt me for years.  It’s like a million rattle snakes hanging in trees shaking their rattles simultaneously. This afternoon, I went to wash the kamikaze cicada debris off my car at the local car wash. Bad idea. I was attacked by dozens of the damned things. One flew down my cleavage. The outrage. As I gingerly tried to locate and remove the buzzing insect from underneath my sweaty left breast, I noticed I had attracted the attention of a few fellow car washers. In my mind, I bravely stared them down and flung the carcass of the dead insect at their feet. In reality, I probably stuffed my not quite as perky as it once was boob back into the sports bra and hid behind the car wash vacuum cleaners. What the hell were they staring at anyway? It’s not like I was picking the underwear out of my ass or something.

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3 Responses to Something new to add to my list of things that suck: cicadas

  1. Jerry says:

    Cicadas are horrid, noisy little beasts which somehow serves in ways beyond my understanding.

    The car wash incident? Sigh…

  2. David says:

    Well … congratulations on nearly thirteen years of marriage! We celebrated nine years last month. Hopefully you are on the road west by now, well out of range of those nasty, cleavage-seeking missiles and getting well-earned time to yourselves.

    Australian cicadas are annual rather than periodical and I remember them as a predictable harbinger of summer, school vacations and Christmas, but also unbearably hot, humid weather and the onset of the fire season. Aside from the noise, they were generally unobtrusive.

    Too bad you didn’t have a pressure washer to hand to give the nosy onlookers at the car wash a well-deserved cold shower!!

    Apparently the Merced River is 40ºF and moving very quickly so my suggestion (which I’ll need to send telepathically, now, I guess) is don’t get too close to the water. Paws crossed you’ll also dodge any bad weather, too. With all the snow melt and additional precipitation to boot, you should get some stunning photoes. Safe travels!!

  3. Dear Sweet Mama says:

    When we lived in Maryland during the cicada emergence the first ones emerging were so exciting. Then it was, enough already. I saw a woman walking down the street with two on her back and almost ran over her to end the madness. And they crawled all over my car and appeared to be having cicada sex. Seriously disturbing and the Concubine would not trade and let me put my car in the garage, requiring me to gingerly remove them with a broom before I went anywhere.

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