Joining the militia

My friend Sara pointed out to me her great disappointment that I did not join a  militia while I was in Montana. I suspect the militia would not really be all that jazzed to have a blind girl fully locked and loaded with automatic weapons, but that may not be the point. I looked in to the militia, but upon reflection, I have decided I probably will not fit in. For one thing, they are major fans of hyphens. If a grammar war were to erupt, the militia would win hands down for excessive use of hyphenation.  As an anti-hyphen person, this is a deal-breaker. Also, they refer to their group as “M.O.M.” I cannot quite picture this:

Mom makes a rocking chocolate chip cookie and has her own AK-47.

They do have some excellent tips on things you’ll need in the coming post-apocalyptic world. (Note the hyphen. This is an approved hyphen so I am not a hyp-o-crite). In the event of the downfall of the United States, you’ll need these items: gas masks, a flint to start fires, nuclear/chemical/biological suits and some tasty survival tabs developed by the feds. Apparently, states rights survival tabs are unavailable.  Sadly, if you wish to order from them, you’ll have to send cash or postal money order because they don’t participate in the banking system.  Epic bummer.

Their reading list is intriguing, including these gems:

• THE PROFESSIONAL GAMBLER’S HANDBOOK
• COMPLETE GUIDE TO LOCK PICKING
• DUMPSTER DIVING
• TECHNIQUES OF HARASSMENT
• ART AND SCIENCE OF MONEY LAUNDERING
  

I don’t know that these guys read their own material because a quick scan of the Internets revealed this as the homestead of the Hutaree militia whose claim to fame was being arrested for plotting to kill cops to start a war:

Defending your trailer 101: set obstacles to delay your enemy

I think they needed to plot to get a job and off meth.