This summer has not gone exactly as planned. To start with, I am not jazzed with encroaching age and watching my body collapse into ruin is kind of sucking. My parents failed to cover this aspect of life and I find I am ill-prepared to deal with the onslaught of lupus and all its fun manifestations in conjunction with gravity. Gravity is evil. Kids, trust me on this one. Sure, it keeps you attached to the earth and all, but it also causes the fall of many body parts you had no intent to allow to slide.
I also got absolutely nothing done I intended to do. I intended to go kayaking in Florida. This did not happen. I intended to drop 15 pounds. Whatever. I intended to finish my novel. So not done. All I have done is work. A lot. And give blood to nurses so that doctors can run endless tests to confirm that I am, in fact, decrepit. Thank you Captain Obvious, I am aware that my knees will not bend and my hands cannot make a fist anymore.
Work is all fine and well, but when it consumes everything, I think it’s time to realign what you are doing. Lawyers work insane hours. It’s part of the job and the hours combined with the stress of litigating pretty much guarantee an unhealthy lifestyle. I have worked more hours than I can possibly explain and I am no happier than I was before I gave up all those hours. In fact, I kind of resent I can’t get them back. Troy is on a two-week trip out west to go commune with nature and climb and hike and try to plan new ways to kill me on exotic hikes next year, and I am in the office. This sucks.
As the result of my growing sense that I will never get to do anything awesome unless I simply pack up and do it, I am declaring shenanigans. Fuck work. Time for something new. Plenty of people get to my age and construct bucket lists. Yawn. I think it’s more appropriate to compile a list of things I will not be doing. This is my unbucket list:
1. Working a 70 hour work week.
2. Driving 55 in the left lane.
3. Giving up chocolate.
4. Prednisone. I have had enough.
5. Organizing my spice rack.
6. Actually finishing The Rise and Fall of Western Civilization.
7. Smiling politely at people I can’t stand.
8. Vacuuming my house every day.
9. Living completely safely.
10. Making my dogs sit for their biscuit, every time.
11. Pretending interest in someone’s inane chattering.
12. Drinking gin martinis. Vodka only.
13. Attending every family event because I am expected to.
14. Watching the news every night.
15. Buying new suits for work.
16. Wearing high heels.
17. Brazilian waxes.
18. Getting up early every day.
I intend to add to this as time goes on. I cannot believe I have wasted so much time doing stupid things because someone wants me to or because I am supposed to. I have forgotten to enjoy all the traveling I do because the traveling has become nothing more than a brief punctuation in a long stretch of noise and activity. It is hard to be quiet and enjoy what’s in front of you when all you think of is what’s left to get done when you get back. Life is very short and can change on a dime. Enjoy what you have and do what you love because you might not have the tomorrow you expect.
Grand Teton. I should be there.