The summer of my discontent
August 7, 2012 8 Comments
This summer has not gone exactly as planned. To start with, I am not jazzed with encroaching age and watching my body collapse into ruin is kind of sucking. My parents failed to cover this aspect of life and I find I am ill-prepared to deal with the onslaught of lupus and all its fun manifestations in conjunction with gravity. Gravity is evil. Kids, trust me on this one. Sure, it keeps you attached to the earth and all, but it also causes the fall of many body parts you had no intent to allow to slide.
I also got absolutely nothing done I intended to do. I intended to go kayaking in Florida. This did not happen. I intended to drop 15 pounds. Whatever. I intended to finish my novel. So not done. All I have done is work. A lot. And give blood to nurses so that doctors can run endless tests to confirm that I am, in fact, decrepit. Thank you Captain Obvious, I am aware that my knees will not bend and my hands cannot make a fist anymore.
Work is all fine and well, but when it consumes everything, I think it’s time to realign what you are doing. Lawyers work insane hours. It’s part of the job and the hours combined with the stress of litigating pretty much guarantee an unhealthy lifestyle. I have worked more hours than I can possibly explain and I am no happier than I was before I gave up all those hours. In fact, I kind of resent I can’t get them back. Troy is on a two-week trip out west to go commune with nature and climb and hike and try to plan new ways to kill me on exotic hikes next year, and I am in the office. This sucks.
As the result of my growing sense that I will never get to do anything awesome unless I simply pack up and do it, I am declaring shenanigans. Fuck work. Time for something new. Plenty of people get to my age and construct bucket lists. Yawn. I think it’s more appropriate to compile a list of things I will not be doing. This is my unbucket list:
1. Working a 70 hour work week.
2. Driving 55 in the left lane.
3. Giving up chocolate.
4. Prednisone. I have had enough.
5. Organizing my spice rack.
6. Actually finishing The Rise and Fall of Western Civilization.
7. Smiling politely at people I can’t stand.
8. Vacuuming my house every day.
9. Living completely safely.
10. Making my dogs sit for their biscuit, every time.
11. Pretending interest in someone’s inane chattering.
12. Drinking gin martinis. Vodka only.
13. Attending every family event because I am expected to.
14. Watching the news every night.
15. Buying new suits for work.
16. Wearing high heels.
17. Brazilian waxes.
18. Getting up early every day.
I intend to add to this as time goes on. I cannot believe I have wasted so much time doing stupid things because someone wants me to or because I am supposed to. I have forgotten to enjoy all the traveling I do because the traveling has become nothing more than a brief punctuation in a long stretch of noise and activity. It is hard to be quiet and enjoy what’s in front of you when all you think of is what’s left to get done when you get back. Life is very short and can change on a dime. Enjoy what you have and do what you love because you might not have the tomorrow you expect.
Grand Teton. I should be there.
You go girl!!!!! I cannot disagree with one word you wrote, and agree with most of your unbucket list. One thing I would add tho… stop being such a stranger and now that you have the time, return an email or pick up the phone to just chat once in a while… {{{hugs}}}
If I could get my family to quit having strokes and trying to die and stuff, it would be very conducive to actually calling my friends.
Tell them they have to try harder if they want your atttention from now on! LOL
I completely understand where you are coming from. I was a Senior Vice President at Citizen’s Bank and worked insane hours (generally 65-75 per week). I was on-call 24/7. Every time they bought another bank, I was expected to work weekends, overnight and on two occasions, had to cancel a planned family vacation. Tony worked the 3rd shift and my kids were 10 and 11. I had missed every major event in their life, but I earned well in excess of $100,000. I also had an ulcer, heart palpitations and psoriasis which was stress-induced. In 2001, I said fuck it! I retired from a twenty five year banking career. It was hard to adjust at first but we did eventually. We don’t have a lot of extra money but I don’t regret if for one second! It was the best decision I could have made. Do it Jean, before it’s too late. I am only 54 and I have friends that are battling Parkinson’s, breast cancer, pancreatic cancer and heart problems. I have lost several friends and former classmates to cancer over the last few years. Life is too short………you deserve to be happy!
Good for you. I am somewhat trapped but am working on Plan B. The dogs just care about whether they will have a sofa and dog biscuits. They are totally self-absorbed like that.
I hope Plan B includes the dogs as we have discussed before. You know you will have plenty of backup.
I’ve seen and been inspired by how hard you work outside of … well, outside of work!!
Whenever you get back from vacation the virtual dust cloud is visible all the way from this side of the Line as you start stirring things up on one or more of your pro bono projects. I can only imagine how intense things get when you are going to trial, not to mention you are running a small business which is pretty much never a forty hour a week commitment. Dump the unnecessary stuff and follow your heart!
I’ve read this post a few times, and each time I feel like whatever I say is going to make me sound like even more of a slackass. Believe it or not, this summer I’ve accomplished much less than you have, and I haven’t had an illness to deal with. Not to mention that my unbucket list is twice as long. You’re right, life is short and it’s easy to get caught up in things that in the end don’t matter. I’m really glad you reminded me of this.
ps. I’ll probably need another reminder in a few months, just so you know. k thx.